Author: Demici

letter to someone who hurt me

I owe you my life 
Even though childhood was nothing but strife
I judged you as I grew
Nothing I did ever pleased you.
I hated the way you sent me to play in the snow that day
You said children love the snow.
Oh boy how much you did not know. 
I longed for the sun and my friend number one Ahsop 
She would not have left me all alone. 
Put me in a cold damp room on my own.
I have to thank you for showing me how to avoid hurting people when my mind is a void.
Again I must say
a great big hi for the letters I wrote to you.
That you sent back With red lines underneath each word I spelt wrong.
Then put the right spelling at the side.
They blotted out all my blue.
I now understand you only wanted me in the literate society be understood 
And look good.
But all that red sent my head back to bed. 
It only served to make my skin tough just like raw hide
Make me the letter world avoid.

Mother I have to tell you the world you found from books where words abound. 
Painted you a picture in your head where you can escape the harshness of the physical world. 
Was and is constantly in my head. 
No written words together strung. Can sing to me a better song.
Now I'm older and wiser. I can see you were only trying to help and protect me. 

Mother perhaps you thought I was broken 
But in reality my mind is only different.
My mind makeup is such that words jump around. And letters try to shout a different sound. 
So bed is deb and dumb is bum 
Dont ask me to ever see that mum is the same as mum. 
I thank you in you older years this mind of mine you understood. 
So mother of mine I forgive you and myself
I have jumped off the word hiding shelf. 
I have a new friend called spell check 
Soon to be replaced by A.I. 
So now I can in the literacy world get by.

Love you mother thank you from a wayward daughter.  

Now I am older and you are gone
I can sing my own song.
I'm glad I'm me
I'm glad I can see 
The me who is hurting inside
Because that is where I hide 
Ashamed by me disability birth
And my muddled mind
That no cure can they find.  
So mother your intentions were good and you made me strong in the end.
But mother I would rather have had you as my friend. 
Now healing I am 
I'm not in your can 
I now chose how to live
No more the sit up straight at the table 
And no moreflst sheets on the bed that is made using hospital corners.  
You see mother you did not break me
You made me 
Who I am 
And how I am
So thank you now I forgive me
So I can finally be free. 
I love you I fear you I honour you my mother my teacher and my guide
For without these lessons you gave 
That had me shaking in my shoes. 
I can truly say I am finally free 
Now I give back to you your actions so you too can be free.  

In judgment I sit in self-love or self-hate

Live in the words of those who stand at my gate

Hold the views of others I choose

And find that I sometimes win more often I lose

Now comes the time that I count to nine

And see that I don’t have to toe your line

Of judgment or being your time on a string

And find that I can let my soul sing

Yes did you see it happen like a bud on a tree

I was that bud that liberated me

I sat in the dew of life love beauty and strife

And saw that I could rebuild my life

Now how did this happen this wondrous thing

It was when I cut those words that sting

Cut them all each one at a time

And found that the ring was only a line

Yes judgement can hold it can keep you small

And then you realize it has no power at all

As that soul tree inside grows it shows the falsity in the reap and sew

Remember that knowledge in seeds can only come from the me the one I know.

We have many depths many twists and turns

And all words from judgment help the way one learns

Now funny thing happened when I no longer heard your voice singing. 

I saw the line counted one to nine then set my freedom bells ringing

So now all I ask is I don’t complete the task

Of building a new set of judgment rules

That aids you /me to lose.

Rosemary Sladden @ 08 Feb 2018

Mind pictures peace place

Physicality grown out of space

Restrictions fly in dormant eye

While mind creation expands time and place

No more restrictions elastic dictaions misplace

Meanings gather speed and hide all misdeed

Moss holds no rolling stone

while man holds wild hand gun

Or yet the lash of the tongue

fed by the spark of an eye

Truth is not a miss-judgment

It is but time spent

living with many points of view

Where one has taken on life’s acceptance hue

No more restrictions

From miss judged dedicatons

I therefore resign my attention

To your suggestion

Abdicate my cogitation and regain my sanity

Dis-own all novelty of new thinking philosophy

Return to the now of daily living physicality

Demici copyright @ 14 February 2022